Saturday, May 31, 2008

We Now Continue With Our Regularly Scheduled Program ...

Conflict? That is so three days ago people! Let's move on shall we?

I'm sitting here chowing down on a sandwich and wondering how many "things" I can get done during this two-hours (hopefully) nap. The baby is still in the mild fever range but for whatever reason (and seriously, what ever the reason, I wish I could bottle it because she's been a total sweetheart) it's like she's fine. Just warm.

Doesn't make it any easier to get anything done. Want to balance your check book? Go right ahead, just monitor the baby because any sort of quiet equals bad news. such as an entire roll of toilet paper undone or gigantic holes of dirt dug out in the flower planter.

So nap time is warp speed. Where I fold a load of laundry, sort it and put it away in under five minutes. Where I whip through the mail and hope there are no bills tucked in those endless flyer's and catalogs that I get bombarded with. Oh and maybe eat and pee without an audience. (what TMI?)

I was back painting in my daughter's bedroom last night and plan on doing the same this evening. At the rate I'm going she'll be off to college by the time I get the ceiling done. I don't hate painting but if someone would just hand me a brush and open the paint can, I'd be FINE. Instead I have to find the brush, hope it got cleaned from it's last use and where is the screw driver? Oh YES under a pile of dirty clothes and anime books strewn about. This whole living in the area I'm trying to work in ... well it's hard.

All this painting has shown me how easy it will be to just finish up my last bookcase. Ok, I realize this isn't about me but HELLO there are still books on the floor in my library and that bookshelf isn't going to paint itself. Besides, I'll just do it now, in my two hour window.

Or think I will.

I'm working on a post about the Mantis visit. I also am working on a post about our family evening last week. Complete with the most adorable pictures.

But first I have only a zillion other things to do ....

Friday, May 30, 2008

A Wise Woman Just Said To Me ...

"Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them!"

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Shortest Straw

Alright, here's a surprise ... I found a note mixed in with my work. It was 8:15 AM and it made me loose it completely. Anger? Frustration? Madness? I finally just washed my makeup off completely because I just couldn't keep it together. Stupid, leaky eyes.

It wasn't touching or apologetic. It was clarification. In case I didn't realize the other day the error of my ways.

I cannot make this shit up.

Shortly, thereafter, my boss came in, realizing a) I was a mess and b) there was just no pulling myself together ... so he asked me the magic question ...

Do you want to get out of here?

Can I get a HELL YES. It was like he could READ MY MIND. He even took it one step further and checked the schedule for tomorrow and then just put me on it as OUT. He told me I didn't have to say anything to anyone (which I wouldn't of been able to anyway) and that I could just go, go, go.

Note To Self: For all the issues we've had, he rocks when it counts. Period. File that away.

I have no idea what was said after I left. Or if anyone searched for the "note" I ripped into teeny tiny pieces and that I had to use all my will power to not toss it in the air. Like confetti.

I'm just glad that I get to spend the next three days getting over it and who knows, maybe by Monday I'll be okay and I can laugh at the whole thing or at least be able to say "never yell at me again, I don't deserve that" without having my eyes fill up. ~crosses fingers~

Oh and ... just because I have tomorrow off ... the baby? Has 101.2 temp.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Heel

Not much to report today. There was no yelling.

There also was no talking. No chatting. No catching up. No making jokes. Not even any pleasantries.

There were attempts though. That were met with single answers and no encouragement.

What can I say? When you hurt my feelings that is what you get.

I did hear (from my boss) about the gut-wrenching remorse that was felt, after I left, along with the distinct impression that saying sorry wasn't enough.

While it's nothing that time won't heal, anyone who'd like to come on by and give this guy a piece of their mind, would be welcome.

Otherwise, I'll just continue with the guilt.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

More Anxiety Please

Because the anxiety I already have isn't enough. I got another helping.

First I will disclose here, that I am about to break my cardinal rule and talk about work. I have to. And if my boss, is reading (yet again) here is why you might have seen me upset but trying not to be upset before you left today.

I got yelled at. By a guy (obviously because I only work with men) who I have to work with everyday. Ok I have to work with several guys everyday. This one in particular, I work with closely. What we do overlaps. He's older (read: close to retirement), he can be cranky and he had a rough weekend. Our payroll is a sore spot and some of it was messed up.

What can I say. I MAKE MISTAKES!

Can I just repeat that for everyone, reading?


In the job I work in, and my career, I have to juggle working with many people. I do my best to appease everyone and often when one person says do it this way. HELLO I DO. And maybe the guy I work with wasn't included in the discussion, but it happen to tie to something else we were working on.

So when he pointed out that someone's hourly rate was WRONG and I argued it with him. Respectfully (or so I thought) and by pointing out why I had done what I did. Which was because the guy who runs the main plant told me too.

The response I got was FUCK THE GUY WHO TOLD ME. Maybe that seems like nothing to you reading it but let me tell you this ...

IT WENT RIGHT FUCKING THROUGH ME. Its like I felt it. I felt him yell. And I didn't like it one bit. I didn't handle it well. I went into my office and tried like all get out, not to cry.

Willing myself ... NOT TO CRY!

The yeller, felt bad. I know he did. He apologized as I was walking back to my office. I couldn't look at him. He came into my office an apologized again, I couldn't look him in the face. I wanted to leave work. I wanted to DIE of complete mortification.

I am not a man. I am not someone who can shake hands and it's fine. It's not fine. I am sensitive. My feelings are hurt and you know what?

I just about had a full blow panic attack, as I walked my dog and relived the whole thing. You know, because once I left work I had to DEAL WITH MY LIFE AND SHIT.

I'm at a loss as to what to do tomorrow. Play it cool? Tell my boss (read: his boss). Let it go? (not bloodly likely).

Why can't I be snide? Why can't I be quippy and in one sentence put him in his place and move on? Head held high.

Why am I always the puddle of tears?

Monday, May 26, 2008

Memorial Day

We missed the Veteran's Day Parade. I wish I could say each year that we've gone but we haven't. We always miss it. The sad thing about that is the parade route goes right by the house. I could probably of caught it on the screened in porch. If the door wasn't barricaded by my daughter's endless boxes of stuff (and still no progress on the painting either, ugh).

We did hear the drums and the trumpets. There's always next year right? A did give pause and said a prayer for all of those who fought for our country and those currently doing so. That counts for something? Right?

I have nothing exciting to report for this long weekend. Ok, I lie. I did LOTS of stuff but it was inbetween feeling like I'm dying so there was much less enthusiasm than usual.

I have pictures and will post them, soon.

Right now I must focus on work that didn't get done because I was busy blowing my nose, overdosing on Cold & Sinus Meds and whatnot this weekend.

Oh and if you happen to see a lung flapping around in the road, it's mine.

Friday, May 23, 2008

At Week's End

Hey, it's Friday. I made it. The rollercoaster has come to a complete stop and, I'm so GETTING OFF!

No plans for the next three days. But I am hoping and perhaps being a tad selfish as I plan to jump on any chance to leave work early.

I hear the weather is going to be steller! So weeds look out.

In other news, did I mention I'm glad it's Friday? Oh yes, I did.


Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Where I Yadada Yadada Yadada

I got up this morning to the feeling of stabbling forks in my calves. I could attribute that to spending yesterday in heels but I know it has to do with the evil bootcamp and these little step-ups we did. (think little step-ups times a freaking million)

I immediately got back into bed and said the heck with it, my legs hurt. Then I thought about how I would be spending today in heels too and it would probably make more sense to stretch and warm up my legs then spend the next hour laying in bed thinking about my day.

Sometimes I want to punch that voice of reason.

I went, I got through it. I came home and the kids got up (think 6 AM here) and got dressed without any sort of a hitch. Oh WAIT I lie. It took an entire hour and a half for my daughter to get ready and she didn't eat breakfast. (I'll get to why that is relevant in a minute)

We made it to the Funeral Home - Yadada Yadada Yadada.
We got to ride in the limo - Yadada Yadada Yadada.

During the church services the children did extremely well. Until the priest came over to shake hands. He shook my son's hand. My daughter's hand and as he shook my hand and turned to walk away. My daughter's legs crumpled under her.

It took me a second to register what had happened because she sort of fell on my son and then went in to the seat, so it wasn't completely obvious. Within 30 seconds she was fine. White as a ghost and sweating.

She fainted. Nice eh?

We went to the cemetery - Yadada Yadada Yadada.
We did the obligiatory after the services gathering with food - Yadada Yadada Yadada.

I made sure my daughter ate her weight alone in bread and she seemed fine. But I am suspicious. Her history of fainting usually means one thing.

After it was all said and done and we were in the jeep for the ride home, I thought maybe the kids might like to hit the mall. I suggested. They agreed. I loved that it was near empty. While there were gift cards to be spent by my boy, he couldn't find anything that he really wanted. That was fine with me.

I managed to not buy a single book for myself. But indulged at the candle store. I had to get a birthday gift for my bff JENNYJ. After reading her post, I was very happy that I went to visit her as her workday was ending. Sometimes, timing is everything. Stop by and wish her a Happy Birthday if you haven't already.

As I did all this driving today I realized the jeep's brakes are grinding. While that may sound borderline kinky, it's not good at all. So tomorrow I get to jump through some hurdles to get it dropped off and looked at before the loooooong weekend.

Somehow I have managed to contract some sort of plague that is brewing in my throat as I sit here. When it rains, it pours I guess.

But when it comes right down to it, I'm alive and I am a gift to others. So it isn't all bad.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Life Goes On

It is incredibly difficult to stand in a receiving line, shake hands with people you met when you were "this big" (with cheek pinching) and see the tears in their eyes and the grieving on their faces.

As your older brother stands next to you sobbing.

I kept it together today. I'm not really sure how. No tears (until now). I think that it was important for me to be strong. My dad was. My mom was too.

For a woman who lived to see her hundredth birthday a week ago today, she had about 40 people come to her wake. My Nana looked beautiful and truthfully just how I remember her. If that is at all possible because the whole thing skeeves me out. I brought my camera to take a picture of her casket rumored to be hot pink, like her bathroom once was. I ended up leaving it in the car because taking a picture of my deceased Nana, just seemed wrong on many levels.

She made her own funeral arrangements in 1990 and picked out everything. The funeral director told us a story of how he sat in her 95 degree kitchen going over all the choices with her. You could tell. Nothing screams little Italian like bronze/silver casket that glistens in orchid out in the sun. (or so I'm told)

She didn't pick her own clothing. My mom chose a lovely blue dress with small flowers on it and beige crochet sweater, not unlike the ones she always wore. I swear, she looked like she would sit up at any moment and point her arthritic finger at my dad and say something like "JUNIOR, GET OVER HERE AND GIVE YOUR MOTHER A KISS." I had to keep glancing over there, just to be sure she wasn't doing such when we weren't looking.

I found it interesting that the, shall we call them, older crowd, discuss at will, medical aliments, costs of elder care and prostates. It really proved to me that no matter how old you get, your parents can still embarrass you.

That and when you have to leave in a hurry, your mother might give you directions to the highway, omitting a very important LEFT. Thank goodness for my trust MAP book.

Monday, May 19, 2008

From This Point Of View

Join me in a chorus will you?

The one where we chant how it's going to be a long week. Yes, that one. I often sit her, early AM, and reflect on my week. Because it's Monday and the day is just beginning, I envision sitting at the very top of the rollercoaster. I've gone though the horrible "click click" part and now we are on the crest of craziness but you hang there for a second ...

I should mention here how much I loathe roller coasters. They scare the pants off me.

Much like this week. There's an analogy for you. I got the word Sunday morning that my Nana, may she rest in peace, had passed in the night. My dad? Now has no immediate family. He's taking it hard. It doesn't matter that she lived to see a 100, barely, she was and always be his mother.

My heart breaks for him. I will be attending both the wake and funeral and I will ponder, over the next few days, my own mortality. The most I can offer to my father, is being there for him. It seems like nothing to me but I know it will be significant to him.

So I stand before you ... blogland ... saying once again ...

Sunday, May 18, 2008

'Saling Highlights

Ok, in true blurry fashion. Here are the highlights to the yard sale I ran a couple weeks ago. This is the building that we use every year. EXCEPT this year I opened the doors and found these bookshelves right smack in the building that already is tiny. We just went with it because everyones crappe was coming regardless ....

Did I mention the blurry part? We were not lacking for toys.

Or knicknacks.

Or clothing.

Or books.

We made a little over $800 that day. I will gloss over the fact that clean up (aka. what didn't sell) was a long and drawn out process to get rid of. But it's done. And as god is my witness may I only be a shopper next year. (HA!)

I put out the word that the baby would like a kitchen playset. This one, went directly from someones truck into my jeep. It's round, its new and it came stocked with plates, cups and food. I'm not sure who loves it more. Her or me.

This too went ... directly from someone's garage to my jeep (who am I to refuse free play kitchen, can you call me a play kitchen whore? Why yes you can.) I had to clean this one. And clean this one some more. It came with spiders only. But it's a favorite and has a nifty high chair for the baby.

Notice how she's feasting on lucky charms and milk? Oh and she's NAKED. Thats the status quo for all babies. Clothing is offensive, go figure.

This is a doll carriage that I am having a hard time convincing the baby that she cannot ride in it. Who can blame her, it looks like so much fun.

This purple bag was pointed out to me by the mom who brought it. She told me how its great to keep toys handy in the car. I found it was handy for books on the coffee table. I positively love it!

What house would be complete without a monkey flashlight. Think about it.

And who can pass up the Princess Pink Teddy Bear. Certainly not me.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Did You Get All That?

Wow, I can't believe it's Friday already. I feel like I'm on the sidelines today. I stayed home with the baby. She had a 99.1 temp yesterday that I Motrin'd and got her through daycare.

But last night it spiked to 102 and she got all shaky. Not a fun thing to witness. So she got more Motrin and I made my plans to stay home today.

While it was nice to be home and all, SHE TURNED OUT TO BE FINE. The temp was still at 99.1 but otherwise, it was business as usual.

By 10 AM I had to get OUT OF THE HOUSE or she was going to drive me bonkers. I thought I had alot of energy, she has me beat. Every attempt I made to watch Ellen was thwarted by her chanting, her running, her falling, her throwing something ...

So I took her to the Library. Thinking we never go there and, just my @#$%ing luck, it was closed. I did the next best thing, my Plan B. The pet store. It's cheaper than the zoo, closer and I had to get fish food anyhow.

She loved it. Rabbits, hamsters, parrots, fish. It all kept her attention. Heck she was even good riding in the car. I ran a few more errands and found myself back at the Library.

Season II of Deadwood was waiting for me. Calling me, if you will.

Our Library has a little kid play area, with a dollhouse, blocks, puzzles and toy cars. I had a hard time getting her to leave she was enjoying herself. Each small child that came in, got a wave and a big HELLO from her. Even the idea of lunch couldn't get her to go.

I relented and took out puppets. A pig and a bunny. That got her finally.

Nap time consisted of me running around like a freaking lunatic. Lawn mowing, trash removal, cleaning the boy's room for the upcoming sleepover.

Nap time is not long enough.

All too soon the baby was back. On my lap. At my feet. Clinging to me. She's sleeping now and soon I will be too. But it's Friday.

No news on the Nana front. We are all playing the waiting game.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Heavy Thoughts

Twenty ~ A Tribute To My Nana

1. She speaks Italian
2. She is 100% Italian
3. She loved to put lots of garlic in everything
4. She had a TV in her kitchen
5. When you visited, she would do the "bad eye" for you
6. This involved putting a pan of water at your feet and some sort of chanting
7. She always prayed to St. Anthony
8. She had only one child. My dad
9. Her house was always a balmy 85 degrees
10. She had only a third grade education
11. She had three sisters and they were all mean to her
12. Her mother lived with them until she died
13. She liked cats
14. She never learned to drive
15. She would always sit in the back seat and boss the driver around
16. She was married to my Grampy until he died (over 45 years)
17. Her nylons were held up by garters
18. She loved to watch the news
19. I have her favorite doll and carriage
20. This week she turns 100 years old

Right at this moment she is dying of pnemonia. The decision (and not an easy one made by my dad and her doctor) is to let it run its course. Her quality of life has been gone for some time now and it is felt that this is best.

It breaks my heart, this circle of life. I understand but I am sad.

My Red Face

So last night was our Annual Meeting. 500+ of people who care about the Town were present. All three groups that I work with at night were represented and spoke during various times at the meeting.

Where was I?

In the back with the some gals who have been in the Town for years. It's taken me a long time to become part of the group, but I'm there. Welcomed.

It is safe to say I joke alot. I don't care if you are suppose to be quiet, if I want to mention how on one of the Town Officer looks like "Ken" (Barbie's on again, off again boyfriend) I say it. (Note: Not loud enough for anyone other than this group to hear, either)

Some of my jokes were inappropriate but in my defense I wasn't the only one make them. So there's that. But when a gal walked by, who spends so much time with one of the women I work with that they both SAY the same exact things, you are hearing double.
I made this observation ~

"Have you seen SoandSo's latest act? She can drink a glass of water and still make Othergirl speak."

I think that the humor is lost in translation here. But let me tell you, no only did I make them all laugh (including myself because damn it was funny) my face turned about twelve shades of crimson too AND I might have cried a little I was laughing so hard.

What can I say?

Sunday, May 11, 2008

For Me ...

Mother's Day ...
Means waking up with the baby, business as usual.

Mother's Day ...
Means no cards, no flowers and no special gifts.

Mother's Day ...
Means brunch with my parents and brother. The baby ate chocolate pudding and the kids had pancakes. I ate lots of bacon.

Mother's Day ...
Means sitting out on the deck, working on my tan.

Mother's Day ...
Means taking the kids to the grocery store and not pushing the cart or carrying a single food item.

Mother's Day ...
Means considering buying myself a Nintendo DS with a SIMS game but deciding paying the phone bill makes more sense.

Mother's Day ...
Means spending the entire day doing nothing but hanging out with the family.

Better than any gift I could have been given.

Friday, May 9, 2008

End of the Week

Well you know, this two week session of boot-camp had to end with a bang. A 25lb bang that has just about broken my back.

Alright, I exaggerate, slightly.

My back isn't just about broken, it's my ass. Can you break that? I've been told that you can break your tailbone but how about feeling like you've ripped all the muscles in that area?

Well that's me. And working in an office with all men? Let's just say they have zero sympathy no matter how funny I was walking or how much I moaned. I heard how I should take some Advil and "man-up".

I had made plans with super cool JennyJ to go and play video games (looks over shoulder), don't tell my kids. The plan was for the two of us to go and have a good time. Playing Ski-ball and those 1st person shooter games that she is so good at.

Between the weather and my UN-co-operative ass, it didn't end up working out.

Instead I'm home. Resting. Not necessarily a bad thing.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Only Because I Was Going To Resign Tonight ...

I am really tired of this controversial committee I'm on. So much so, that tonight I was seriously considering quitting.

I am not a quitter.

I am more of a stay until the bitter end kind of person.

I was willing to make an exception here because HELLO, I need a life. One that doesn't involve being out of the house every night of the week. (except Saturday nights because then I'm ALWAYS home)

So I went. Not sure what I was going to say. I was considering the cowards way out and submitting it in writing. Then I was considering just coming out with it. By the time I was walking into the meeting, I was playing it by ear.

As I came into view, making my way up the winding staircase (it's an old building we meet in, the kind with beautiful woodwork and loads of history) I hear this ...

~oh there she is~
~you should tell her~
~go on, she'll enjoy it~
~hi, Mig~
~there's a seat right here for you~
~good to see you~

I'm thinking ... are these people psychic? Can they smell quitting on me? I shrug it off and make my way to an open seat. It's a very small group tonight. Intimate comes to mind. Here is the immediate conversation.

So tell her already.

Ok, remember a couple weeks ago when you were driving by me in your jeep, you beeped and waved to me?


Well, I was with my friend and he immediately turned to me and said "Who is that?" "She is HOT!" "Is she single?"

What the heck do I say to that? I just laugh and say, well that's nice. Not like ALL EYES WERE ON ME or anything.

Needless to say, I didn't resign. My nerve, gonzo. I sat through a somewhat long but somewhat interesting meeting. Thinking ...

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Hiding From Life

It's just wrong that the time is 8 PM and I am now, just, starting my evening. I keep telling myself that it won't always be this way, someday ... a very damn long time from now ... I will miss the chaos. The dinners for five, the dishes from five, the homework review, the back and forth banter of nothing, the mind numbing explanations of "why".

Right now it seems like eternity until then and that I won't miss it one iota.

... I've got about three hours of time to call my own. I hope I don't fall asleep.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

The Height Of Dorkiness

Hey that is TOO a word. Just because I say so.

There's ALOT of that going around in the house. The "because I say so" part. For example, the argument of not putting the glass back in the sink, almost always end up with the "because I say so" and the laundry trickling out of my daughter's bedroom, sort of forming a path, needs to be picked up, "because I say so."

You get the idea. It's like my new catch phrase, or something.

SO ...

This morning ....

I hit snooze and was late to boot camp. I know, I'm only two minutes from the place so it's no big deal. WELL. TODAY. I was at the end of my street and we are talking about lighting that is dawn about to break and I see a zooming car in the distance. So I wait for it. Because, who in their right mind, at 5 AM wants a zooming car behind them. Not me.

It goes by and it's a shiny blue convertible Mustang GT 3000. I love cars like that. The whole speed, engine revving, gets me going (TMI, I know).

I head to class. The car, my dream car? Heads that way too. Heck it even pulls into the parking lot of WHERE I AM GOING.

Who gets out of it? OK here is where I say a fat ugly guy right? I would except, it's NOT. It's this bald guy, who is maybe a little large and always wears these large equipment excavating t-shirts.

I really hadn't paid too much attention to him before ... but now? HE'S THE DUDE WITH THE AWESOME CAR.

What? I can be shallow. So we start class. And we jog. And as we jog I pass just about everybody several times. What can I say, they are slow and I want to sweat as much as humanly possible, because it's 5 AM and I am paying for this torture.

I pass the bald guy and then smack right into a heavy bag with a thud. I may have then died six times over BUT KEPT RUNNING.

And so my day begins ...

Monday, May 5, 2008

Here We Go!

My schedule for the week (prepare to be exhausted)

Monday - Boot Camp, Kid Wrangling, Day Job, Errands, More Kid Wrangling, Dinner and Night Job.

Tuesday - Boot Camp, Kid Wrangling, Day Job, Doctor's Appointment (read: Need more anti-anxiety drugs, wonder why), Quick Return at IKEA (like there is such a thing as quick) Back to Day Job, More Kid Wrangling, Dinner and Night Job.

Wednesday - Boot Camp, Kid Wrangling, Day Job, More Kid Wrangling, Haircuts and Dinner.


Thursday -Boot Camp, Kid Wrangling, Day Job, More Kid Wrangling, Dinner and Controversial Committee meeting.

Friday - Boot Camp, Kid Wrangling, Day Job and Escape with JennyJ for an evening of fun.

Saturday - Yard Work (as in taking a sickle to the lawn and taking debris to the dump)

Sunday - Lunch with my Mother (is this a good thing? Must not dwell)

Sunday, May 4, 2008

It's Like Hearing Your Son Swear For The First Time ...

I am so glad it's Sunday. I woke up this morning and thought for a second that it was Monday. Imagine my relief when I realized it wasn't?

I am now trying to catch up on laundry and a teeny bit of cleaning.

I really wish it would stop RAINING ALREADY. My flowers are drowning.

I should be working on work, but I'm not.

I am sitting at the kitchen table and my son is trying to play an x-box game. The only hint that I got that he was frustrated was his whispered ... "which fucking button do I hit?"

Nice eh?