Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Always doing ... and Happy New Year!

Why in the heck is life so busy?  Yeah, yeah, I created it myself, blah blah.  REALLY THOUGH.  When I was a kid the days dragged on and on.  These days?  I'm still doing stuff at 9 at night.  Don't get me wrong it's not horrible or anything.  Just full of ... stuff.

It has to let up right?  2014.  New Year.  New Inspiration Board.  I'll put up a picture of it.  (I say this having just noticed that some of the sticker letters that I put on, have come loose and the word "defy" is upside down, all under glass)  It was easy to put together and I used some of the items from last year.  Things I want to carry over into the new year, so to speak.

I can't get over how much life has changed.  My parents live downstairs.  My dad just went into a nursing home.  His full blow dementia.  Can't do any sort of thinking for himself.  Its heavy on my mind.  Ironic.

There is loads and loads of paperwork.  Like an obnoxious amount.  And that's saying something for someone who handles paperwork for a living.  Secretary.  I can't keep it flowing.  Instead I'm overwhelmed and sad.  Life is unfair.  My father was a brilliant man.  Inspiring.  He was so intelligent and funny.  I miss him terribly and he is just down the street.  An empty shell that has no idea who I am.

I want to throw myself on the floor and kick my feet.

In other news,

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Very Late Tuesday Night

Its four minutes to Wednesday and I'm sitting here WIDE AWAKE.  Honestly, all afternoon I've been on this "high".  My weight is fantastic, my husband and I are mended, oldest is at college, my boy is trudging along Senior Year and my youngest ....

has joined the ranks of first grade, loving every minute of it.  Her enthusiasm for school really astounds me.  She loves it more than both her brother and her sister combined.  Of course the daily math homework can get prickly but overall? A+

In other news, my parents have settled in downstairs.  They sold their house, about thirty minutes away, and I asked them to move here.  I am lucky to have an understanding man.  I think he secretly knows that the key to my and our happiness is to work with me.  So they are here, paying rent and entertaining and being entertained by my youngest.  She loves to visit and I enjoy catching their laughter together, as I bring laundry up and down from the basement. 

Even our latest kitten (striped fella named Tiger) finds his way down to their apartment.  To be lavished with attention and antics.

Its been an adjustment for me, seeing my parents every day.  I feel blessed.  We are helping each other.  I didn't realize how badly my father had become.  No formal diagnosis yet but I'd say its mid stage of dementia.  Its very difficult on my Mom.  Its confusing for my Dad.  I'm watching it, and at the ripe age of 44, freaking out about it.

My Dad was an only child.  My Italian grandmother spoiled him.  He was the apple of her eye.  He was raised in the comforts of an high middle class family.  He managed to avoid the draft of the Vietnam War.  He went to college and studied physics.

He taught me (without realizing it) at a very young age, how to swear in Italian.  Complete with the Italian sault!

That person is gone.  Replaced by someone that tries to drink ketchup from the little container, that can't open a door because its locked and the words.  There are no words.  He, she, yes and this weird bah-bah-bah-boom chant is all I hear him utter.  He makes gestures and sometimes he just shrugs his shoulders, when you ask him something.

Its heavy on my mind.  Has been for a week or more.  I know, I need to come to terms with it, there isn't any changing it, its something I can't control.  I have faith.  I pray.  I will accept it.

In the meantime, ballet/tap lessons have started.  Art class and Daisy Scouts are back also.  I'm volunteering at the library book sale every month, which is truly a HIGHLIGHT.  Yes, I have a kindle, yes I have a tablet but I still love books.  It is also a great way to purge stuff too.

I've been creating some Halloween D├ęcor and I can't wait to get out my straw garland and pumpkins.  Fall is here and I love the change of season.  I've had my eye on some cornstalks and my Mom got a scarecrow and watering can to add into the mix.  I'm sure it will be interesting.  I have to keep it as unscary as possible, yah know.

Well, I just remembered something here ... that my back is WRENCHED.  This little reminder was brought to you by the incredible pinching pain that I just experienced when I thought I could take a quick break.  NOT.  Now I'm sitting here going ... ow .... ow ..... ow ..... ow .... owthefuckow .....

It was better, I swear.  I actually saw my doctor today (routine, I'm fine) and I mentioned it to her.  Explained how much I love IKEA but their super big and pretty armoires pretty much suck to try and pick up after its been assembled.  I strained it.  Bad enough that it hurt when I cough.

Then it got better.  And by better I mean that I could cough and there was no hurt.  But I was still feeling sore.  Saturday was when I strained it, now its Tuesday, it "was" better.

My man, reached over me in a quick manner, it didn't have time to move and I wasn't really sure what was going on.  There was some smacking and clapping. As it turns out, he was killing a small spider that had dropped down from my lamp (right next to me).  So while I forgive him, I'm back to square one as of this very moment.


I'm feeling tired now.  G'nite.


Tuesday, June 11, 2013

A Moment To Spare

My six year old in on a play date this afternoon.  It started right at the end of the school day when the mom picked them up.  Oh she was so excited this morning because "today was finally the day".  She packed extra paper in her backpack and brought her bulbasaur for good measure.  The Pokemon legacy lives on in the house. 15 years and counting.

Anyway its hard to network to potential play date parents when you work.  You miss the bus stop chatter or the pick up routine.  When Mom's meet up and discuss playground options or weekend kid plans.  But my youngest makes it easy.  She is friendly with everyone and it would seem like everyone wants to play with her, so those play dates?  Set themselves these days.

I got a text a little while ago that the girls have made it home safely and were playing.  Usually she is here, right next to me, sitting on my lap, wanting to see what I am doing, wanting to tell me a story, wanting to ask me a question.

Its really nice to just sit.  And stare off.

Then I think about the laundry, and dinner.  There are still four other mouths to feed.  Did I mention she gets to stay for dinner as well?  The mom asked me if she was picky.  I had to laugh at that because my oldest two? WICKED PICKY.  I replied that she will eat chicken and steak.  (apparently they are having chicken).

What are we having for dinner?  I have no idea.  Pizza perhaps?  (frozen kind, don't get too excited) Or maybe cheeseburgers and spicy fries. 

Or I could just sit back and relax.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Where Does The Time Go?

My middle child turns SEVENTEEN today.  I still can't believe it.  Pinch me please.

I remember barely making it to the hospital with him.  My husband driving 80+ miles and hour down the highway, afraid he would come in the car.

I had waited to long in my labor.  I didn't realize how far along I was, until it was a bit too late.

He was born within a half hour of arriving at the hospital.  A total of three pushes and there he was.  The saving grace was my water hadn't broken, if it had, we wouldn't of made it.

This boy has always been sweet and kind.  He would never even think of hurting anyone.  He has always been respectful of me, he will always help me when I ask him too and the hugs I get with the giant bear arms of his, are the best.

I still remember the little boy who used to cuddle with me all the time.  He couldn't tell me he loved me enough.  He would do anything for his family.

As he makes his way to his final year of High School and we look at colleges, I have great faith that he will be successful in anything he decides to do.

Love you Bud! xoxo

Sunday, May 12, 2013

All About The Mom

Top ten activities on this lovely Mother's Day.

1. Watching the first season of Rome.
2.  Wearing jeans, white t-shirt and flip flops.  Hair pulled back, straight.
3.  Eating a grilled chicken salad from the local eatery.  Yumo.
5.  Massaging my heels.  They are killing me.
6.  Receiving lots of home made gifts from my youngest. (adorable)
7.  Reading anything and everything.
8.  Using my loom in an attempt to make a lap blanket.
9.  Chewing Mentos Squeeze Gum
10.  Enjoying the quiet as my children all do their own thing.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

I'm on a ROLL

Its Saturday, 8:56 AM.

I'm spending a wasteful amount of time on Facebook and reading news feeds.  My knees are killing me from a night of dancing and listening to my man's band.  I might have drank a wee bit too much beer, so I'm extra parched this morning.

My son went to take his SAT's at 7:30 AM.  I made sure he took his phone.  I, however, had left mine on the charger upstairs.  I returned at 7:35 and hung out with my youngest and the bunnies.  By the time I got back upstairs to check my phone I had 13 missed calls.  All from my son.

Course its too late now, but I am thinking he forgot his calculator.  Arg.

I now have to convince my rear-end to get off the chair and get into the shower, so I can spend 10-2 today at the Library, volunteering for the booksale.  I don't mind, I'm just a little cranky is all.  There is something soothing about walking among shelves of books.  Maybe because they absorb sound so well, it's like standing with silence.  I have 100's of books to read already but that won't stop me from searching the shelves for some other great find.  As volunteers we get a free book.  Everytime.

No set plans for the weekend.  I might try and meet up with my parents tomorrow and perhaps visit with a friend after the book sale today.  Or hit up some yard sales if my knees allow it.

Mowing, laundry and grocery shopping also have to be fit in there somewhere.  Pretty much business as usual.