Monday, March 31, 2008

Actual Early AM Conversation

(4:45 AM alarm goes off. I get up and make my way across the room in the dark to get dressed)

My man: Where ya going?
Mig: Ummmm to work out.
My man: On Saturday?
Mig: Dude, it's Monday.
My man: Ah.
Mig: (giggles)

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Because Why The Heck Not?

The baby has pink eye! Oozy runny eyes. Need I say more?

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Baby's First Haircut

I hate that the weekends are sometimes just as hectic as the weekdays. I'm hiding upstairs while the baby attempts to nap. As I type I can hear her speaking. Calling me. This morning when I went to get her from her crib, she was nekkid. No sleeper. No diaper. Big grin.

That aside. This week she went for her first haircut. There are plenty of Mom's that think their precious baby's can't sit still. There are also plenty of Mom's who just want to keep that baby fine hair as long as possible.

Not me. Ahem.

So here she is. Apprehensive. And. Fly-away.

The hairdresser, who has being doing the family haircuts for fourteen plus years thought I just didn't want to show my face in the picture. But really. I didn't want to have to crop it to put it up here.

The baby is crying at this point. She didn't like the cover, doggies. or. not.

That was the worst of it. She liked the "rain" and didn't mind the comb. She did object to the extra combing of dinner out of her hair. But survived.

Once it was over (and not in this picture) she was all smiles. Note the slouch in the background? She just loves getting her hair trimmed. I like that it's the one day, every six weeks, that I know everyone's hair is actually CLEAN.

My son's faux hawk.

For the memory book! And yes, I might of gotten a little misty eyed.

Friday, March 28, 2008

The End Of A Long Week

I cannot tell you how glad I am that it's Friday. This week wasn't as hectic as I thought it would be but it certainly has had it's share of frustrations for me.

I'm looking forward to putting it all behind me. If I can just get through today.

Tonight, it's a bit of retail therapy and dinner with my bff and I cannot wait. This weekend, more painting.

Thursday, March 27, 2008


Has anyone tried this game? Well don't. It will frustrate you. It will cause you to do endless searches trying to find relationships between the words. It will drive you insane.

Trust me.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

It's a Rush

Literally. Rush here. Rush there. Errands during lunch, errands after work. Night work. It's been busy. It's only Wednesday.

It's got to get better right? That's what I keep saying in my head anyway.

So the baby is growing up and leaving behind that cute little adorable phase and entering into the have a fit whenever she is not understood or doesn't get what she wants. By fit I mean scream and cry at the top of her little lungs for 10+ minute stretches.

I don't have enough xanax for this. I may need earplugs.

My day job is about to go full tilt and I'm not ready YET. The drop-dead date is April 3rd (ummm hello NEXT WEEK) and my to-do list is looooong. (but if you are my boss and reading this, don't you worry one bit, it will get done, heh) The latest thing we have going on is implementing this. It would be for new hires only, right now. But I am the one administering the test and I have to bring in another person on our management team to witness it being administered.

I can only imagine the scenarios that are going to come from this change in procedure. Have I mentioned how I worry in advance?

I spent three hours of my life last night attending a "hearing" that relates to this Controversial Group that I'm involved with. It ultimately has to do with a c.a.s.i.n.o. coming to our town and there are many against it. The state I live in doesn't allow this but it's an Indian T.r.i.b.e applying for recognition on a federal level which circumvents the state. All that isn't really key, just a bit of history for you. Last night's meeting allowed anyone and everyone to comment for three minutes and have it become part of the public record. While it was a long night, I couldn't leave my seat, I was enthralled I guess. (which how freaking sad is that, you in the back HUSH!)

There were t.r.i.b.a.l. leaders there. From other t.r.i.b.e.s. I didn't realize that until one of them got up and said this ~

"Destroying trees, the four-legged, the winged-ones, all the creatures that will be destroyed if they build a casino is not the native way," "I have spoken to the spirits of the ancestors who said that building a casino and destroying the land was not the Indian way and if the T.r.i.b.e. goes ahead, there will be a war between the T.r.i.b.e.s. "

I got chills, the words he spoke (are probably not exactly as I quoted them) were in the same mono-tone. This man did not need to raise his voice, his point was clear.

As I sat and listened. I realized something. For all the times I want to quit this Committee (and I do mean "times" because I am often ready to walk away because I feel I am wasting my precious time) it's moments like that ...

That make me realize, I am participating in history in the making.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

All A Blur

How can it be Tuesday and 9:42 pm no less, where does the time go?

I'm exhausted but have a lot to write about. Stay Tuned.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Easter In Pictures

Ok, here we are at my dinner table. And yes, I set a place for my brother and his cookies.

This is my favorite. The kids table. On display are two of the baskets the Easter Bunny brought.

Here's the ham. It was to DIE for.

While I was waiting for our guests, I attempted to take some pictures of the kids.

The baby was willing to sit but not smile.

Her skirt is made of curdory and her tights are held up by her onesie.

Here's a floorshot, she liked that.

She's such a lady, already.

The photo shoot is ovah.

Next victim. Waiting patiently on Neopets.

DS anyone?

I survived. My brother ate his three cookies and my parents spent their time worrying about him. But that's a post for another day.

The Good & Bad Conversations

The Good ~

Mig: Hi
Son: Hi
Mig: Hi
Son: Hi
Mig: Hi
Son: Hi
Mig: Hi
Son: Wassup?

The Bad ~

Mig: (walking with head down to her illegally parked jeep)
Policeman: Excuse me!
Mig: Me? (points to self innocently)
Policeman: Yes, YOU!
Mig: Oh Nooooo. (smiles feebily)
Policeman: You see that sign over there?
Mig: (not looking) Yes.
Policeman: It says no parking beyond the yellow line.
Mig: I know, I know. It was packed ... a few minutes ago.
Policeman: (directing traffic) Your legs look fine to me, you can walk from the back parking lot!
Mig: I could.
Policeman: Now I've got an accident at the intersection and I'm directing traffic that has to navigate around your car!
Mig: Sorry.
Policeman: Don't do it again.
Mig: (walking to her car) What-the-fuck-EVER. (bleep, bleep, bleep)

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Family Prep

Spiral Ham - check
Crunchy coating - check
Two Kinds of Potatoes - check
Dinner Rolls - check
Corn - check
Butter - checkity check check

Sanity - unable to locate

My parents are coming for Easter Dinner. They always arrived on or about NOONTIME. Which is early. Too early. If it were up to me (and apparently it's not) I'd say 2ish or 3ish or, I dunno, DINNER even. But there are issues with driving at night and my dad likes to eat at noontime and six o'clock, clearly this isn't about me.

Since the baby is feeling like a million times better and the kiddies had Friday off as it was Good Friday, I managed to clean the house. Just the basics. Scrubbed the kitchen counters, washed the floor, cleaned the toilets, sinks and more floors. I'm working on laundry and plan on doing a couple sets of minutes next so my Easter won't have these things hanging over my head.

Let the fun begin.

My brother is coming. He has been hospitalized and in rehab for the past month. Unaware he had become diabetic (which how that fact escaped him, in the orange juice and two tablespoons full of sugar he had with each coffee, I have no idea) he drove without his glasses, in the wrong direction to where he was going and was, thankfully, pulled over. It took a while for the police to figure out what was wrong with him as they initially thought he was drunk. My parents had filed a missing persons report by then because he hadn't followed his usual routine and they knew something was seriously wrong.

Now that he is (slowly) coming to terms with the fact that he cannot eat anything that equals sugary goodness and that he has to pinch himself constantly, monitoring those numbers he will be given a four hour pass to come to my Easter dinner.

A dinner he can eat none of.

A dinner, I guess, he will be sitting and watching us eat as he will have his own lunch prior to leaving the facility and an insulin shot.

My mom's answer to my concerns? She will bring four diabetic cookies for him to eat, while we chow down.

Should be fun.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Can I Get An AMEN?

Latest reading ... 97.5


Thursday, March 20, 2008


My poor baby. Here eyes are glassy and her forehead is hot. She spent the night in my bed and I spent the night alternating between dodging feet and feeling her back for a spike in her steady fever.

My shirt is speckled with boogies and my chest has become the favorite stopping ground for a nap. It's been 24 hours now and I am ready for it to get better. to stop. to go away.

The doctor tells me its viral. He did prescribe antibiotics for red ear canals. I'll take it. I'll take anything that will add comfort to the uncomfortable.

I just bought an ear thermometer today. I figured it's an investment for the future. In a way it's good to know but now I'm obsessed. I take it before the Tylenol. I take it after. I've taken it so much in the last few hours that the baby just tilts her head so her ear pokes up and I can reach it easily. The readings vary between 100.9 to 102.3

Oh the worry.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

My Little Bundle Of Hotness

The baby is sick. I've been puked on twice now.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Under The Influence

I met with my doctor today ... about the whole anxiety thingy. I wish I had worn more deoderant. Something about having a fireside chat with the doctor makes me sweat.

Big time. Stinky.

I'm sure she didn't notice. Unlike the usual smells of anticeptic and lysol, my doctor's office smells like pot pourri.

After explaining my symptoms to the "nursey lady" who gave me a sympathetic look that I wasn't feeling like myself, I got to visit with the Nurse Practitioner. Not exactly the doctor. Didn't matter I could feel my face flush, that'd be in addition to all the sweating I was already doing. She too expressed sympathy.

Which baffles me because I wasn't feeling down. I was feeling anxious. I think there is a difference there. Or perhaps one stems from the other, I have no idea.

I was immediately prescribed anti-anxiety medication. Which I just now, dutifully, took. I got to have an EKG. It was done in 30-seconds, which amazed me. My heart is fine. Apparently my brain hasn't gotten the message.

I go back in a month and have been asked to keep a stress journal.

To think, when I left I was concerned I wouldn't have anything to put into it, the journal that is.

But after filling my perscription, banking, work errands, a parent-teacher conference and picking up the baby, I had something to write about. Add in dinner and a daughter who needed my assitance in editing video tape footage causing me to be late for my evening job, I find myself with plenty of material.

For one day.

I don't handle weakness well. This is no exception. The tiny pills I have are not a solution to the problem I am facing. I could see a therapist. One that after many sessions will tell me what the heart of the matter is. Something I can already figure out for myself.

I just suck at it. Letting it out, instead of holding it in.

How do you change something about yourself that is so obvious when you have no idea how to go about doing it. That is the real question.

Monday, March 17, 2008

The Constant Battle

Raising a teenager tends to involve a battle of "wills" these days. Earning privileges forgotten and more and more wanting seems to prevail.

I try to be consistent. I try to be reasonable. I am not the mother that "grounds" their child weekly. If it happens, it is due to some extreme circumstance.

I spent years of raising my oldest children to show respect for adults. In this house "no" means just that. It doesn't mean, beg more. This is something that I truly believe. If yes is even a remote option, it needs to be said upfront. I try to be consistent and I have high standards for my kids. Always.

The baby is no different. I am relentless. I know that my oldest children will see over time, as I raise my youngest under their watchful eye, why they are the well rounded individuals that they are.

Or so I hope.

That doesn't change the testing of wills, as they continue to grow and learn their life lessons. I have made no secret here that my daughter has a hard time getting up in the morning. I wish I could say it has gotten better but instead, with my new hours, it has gotten worse.

I wake her earlier than my other kids and it takes her even longer just to get herself ready. She has missed breakfast for several weeks now. I had it out with her, today, when I got home. We joked a bit about it but I made my point and she didn't disagree, she is having a hard time getting herself up and out the door in the morning. She could offer me nothing that would motivate her and admitted she becomes grumpy with each demand to move quicker or my yelling at her to simply GET UP.

But, tonight, when I came home from my second job and she was reluctant to give up the computer ... I lectured.

I lectured about how she cannot get herself up in the morning and the end result is three of us in the car waiting, while she FINALLY comes out and is a total grouch about it. I lectured about how no amount of being kind or yelling motivates her to move any faster. I lectured about how extra computer time, in the evening, is a privilege. Earned by being able to be ready on time every morning and not earned by an attitude of entitlement and treating her body poorly.

Being a voice of reason, sometimes, sucks. I love her so much and want so many great things to happen to her in her life and, even more so, I want her to appreciate them.

Even if she doesn't see that, right at this very moment.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Ok, I Just Have To Say ...

This is one WEIRD movie.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Things I Am Not Dwelling On

The baby's obsession with colorforms. The age is 3-8 and she sat for over an hour sticking and unsticking them. Never once trying to eat them.

That my house is a pit.

I still have three loads of laundry to do.

My garage is so over-run with crap and in order to make room for our old bedframe, I had to take out the trash bins. WTF?

I had lunch with a friend from High School today and she made this statement "out of everyone I've met from high school over the past two years, you are the one who has changed the most."

Incomplete work that needs to be completed for Monday.


Friday, March 14, 2008

A Very Ordinary Friday

For all the worrying I did about going to class today, I was fine. I have an appointment on Tuesday to figure it out with my doctor. Probably just another wonderful facet of getting older.

Today is the last day of the week, there will be plenty of time to worry about that ... Sunday night.

I'm off this morning. Hoping to put a coat of primer on the bedroom walls and perhaps pick up a pint of black paint (for the doors). I'm not expected at work until noontime.

Last night was parent/teacher conferences and I have to say they went excellent. My son is doing exceptionally well. At the rate he's going, he may even end up in the High Honors group. After chatting with his teachers and the school counselor, it would appear a 504 plan is not in the cards. That, is a good thing.

My daughter is coming into her own. Her teachers tell me she is participating more and more in class. That she appears to be very comfortable with herself. Her grades are all very good. Her creative writing, excellent and inspiring. I heard many negative things about her "class" as a whole and it was mentioned that at the rate she is going, she will be eligible for scholarships for college. I hope so.

The weekend holds some socialization and some catching up on work. Probably some more painting too. I can't wait.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Reason #3456 Why It Sucks To Be Me

I had a panic attack at boot camp this morning. I asked the instructor to turn down the heat as we did a series of three minute jogs and I felt my lungs closing, my heart pounding and face turning beat red (as in more beat read than usual when jogging is involved).

I recognized it for what it was, sadly, this isn't the first time it's happened. It just doesn't usually happen during exercise, it's more of when I'm arguing with someone or I feel personally attacked.

It's fucking scary.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Over The Limit

Can you hear that?

Seriously? It's my head exploding ... from all the things that require my attention, that require me to think about them, that require some action by me to proceed.

Normally by Wednesday, I'm in full stride, ready for the rest of the week. Today, not so much. I feel disheveled. I feel out of sorts. If I didn't know better I'd say a migraine is coming on. But really? I think I just need some down time.

So ... instead of going to my Controversial Committee meeting (which starts in fifteen minutes) I'm here. Hanging out. Watching TV. Maybe some light reading. An email or two.

My rule for staying home? Nothing work related. Ordered by Dr. Mig.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

My Mental To-Do List

In no particular order ...

1. Paint. At least one coat of primer on everything in my daughter's bedroom before the week is out.

2. Quit volunteering for stuff. I just said yes to Chair a yardsale fundraiser. Yes, the same one as last year. So much for being a bystander or a customer.

3. Dig around in the storage space for colored hair tint and gold colored pants. It's Character Day tomorrow at the Middle School and I've got two kids attending.

4. Call the Accountant back, she has questions on my tax stuff.

5. Return visit to IKEA before Saturday to get a $50 gift card for the mattress purchase I made last week. My plan is to use it on a mattress topper.

6. Consider buying a bedframe for our bed. Once I take the measurements and convert them from cm to ft.

7. Decide if I am going to skip my Controversial Committee meeting this week. I have until tomorrow to figure it out and in the last half hour I've flip flopped four or five times.

8. Get my stuff together for work .... tonight. Now.


Monday, March 10, 2008

It's Nothing Personal, It's Just You ...

For those of you that have been reading here you know that I get up at the butt crack of dawn (or pitch black night, whichever you prefer) for boot camp. A one-hour rigorous exercise program for only the die hard fitness people or the insane.

I choose the latter. HA.

Usually there is a four week break between sessions. This time a two week in between class was offered but it was not taught by our usual leader. It's being taught by a 21-year old participant.

Now I must digress here so you can get the full picture. This is a young guy who goes nuts in our usual class. If we are doing push ups, he'll do as many as humanly possible. If we are jogging he'll be passing us all and you can hear him coming up behind you by the slapping of his feet. He is a karate student and has been since he was a tot. He's trusted with the keys, if that tells you something.

This is our second week of class. I wanted to complain after the FIRST DAY about this kid. And I do mean kid. I could essentially be his mother. (had I given birth to a baby at 18) I am not going to kill myself. Clearly I stand alone.

It is not at all surprising. This might come as a surprise to some of you but I am not a follower. Oh I'll follow a little bit but I do not jump when someone tells me to jump (unless you are my boss and are paying me, then I will most definitely do it ... maybe). I do participate in class and will do all the regular things we do in the four week class.

But I have limits. And last week it was doing this silly relay thing at the very end of class. Where you run back and forth across the room doing push-ups. I didn't sprint. I chuckled to myself and sauntered. Everyone else? Sprinting.

I have no excuse. My body was willing but my mind was like WTF, it's the end of CLASS. We should be cooling down.

Today, same idea. Our warm up consists of a twenty minute stretch where in two minute intervals we jog and at the 30-second break (there is a timer) we do another exercise, like march in place, jumping jacks, push ups, etc.

This time he explains, keep in mind this is a 21 year old guy, when he shouts "go" as we are doing whatever exercise in the 30-second break we should drop and do squat-thrusts.


Squat-thrusts are dropping down to a squat and then kicking your legs out so you are in a push-up position and then going back to the squat and then standing up, it's exhausting doing them on their own, let alone inbetween on a "break". So when he shouts go at us, we drop and do this, at his command.

Did I mention I don't handle shouting well? I also don't handle changes in routine very well. And frankly, jogging is damn hard enough. Clearly he doesn't get it (which duh, he's 21).

So we jog. Then it's the break. He tells us to march in place. I march. Then he shouts "GO" and everyone else drops down and does squat-thrusts.

Me? I keep marching.

Let's see ... he did this routine for the entire twenty minute stretch. Everyone else listened. Grunting, struggling. I did not.

I tried not to smirk. Really I did. I most certainly did not make eye contact with him. He didn't say anything to me either. There are only SIX of us, so I'm pretty sure it was obvious. While I was marching and everyone else was obeying, I did some thinking. What is wrong with me?

I just didn't want to do it. I've thought about it all day, asking myself why it's bothering me. Why I couldn't bring myself to just go along with everyone and do what he wanted. I did the rest of the exercises and at another part of the class when we did squat-thrusts, I did them.

I think it was the shouting go. That got me. I was offended. I am there to participate in exercise I am not there to be shouted at, to be told to do something extra in a routine that is already difficult. He sits there and drinks his coffee, holding his yellow notepad of extra exercises for us and I ... want to throw my medicine ball at him.

Oh I do!!! Bratty as that sounds, it's true. I wouldn't act on it, obviously. I know he's just trying to do a good job and make us all as sweaty as possible.

I'm just un-co-operative and at my age, I'm allowed. Right?

Sunday, March 9, 2008

She Say's With Paint Covered Hands

One single coat of primer on all the trim = 2 1/2 hours.


Saturday, March 8, 2008

Giggling Chaos

Want to know what its like to listen to four girls singing to the X-box game.

Come on over!

Friday, March 7, 2008

Me & The Baby

I am always happy when it's Friday. Today I got out around 3ish (the phones were totally dead and there was no sense in three of us watching dust gather so I volunteered to leave) and ran a few errands.

My daughter had her 14 yr check up and was prescribed some acne medication. Acne medication that we ALL can use. Yahoo. Because, you know, even though you are an adult, zits STILL happen. What is up with that?

As I was waiting for it to be filled (read: 20 minutes) I need a bathroom and quick. Three kids will do a number on your ability to hold it. I danced around a little and then thought well maybe they have a ladies room. Suprise they did. Unlike the usual drug store I visit, where there's is employee only. It's the little things.

Then I dropped off my taxes FINALLY with the accountant. Now you'd think it be an easy task pulling everything together but here it is MARCH and I'm just getting around to doing it.

Oh well. I hope I don't owe. ~says silent prayer~

I pulled in the driveway after picking up the little one and my daughter met me at my car door. All concerned. Don't be mad Mom but MyfriendcameoverafterschoolandwearegoingtothelibrarythingIwastellingyouabout. After I translated that in my head. I told her to r~e~l~a~x. I'm more concerned with her coming home than with her bringing a friend home. She went into how she tried to call me at work but I had left ... and I dangled my cell phone out to her and she got all sheepish (HAHA).

Anyway, she left with her friend and took her brother too. So it's just me and the baby. My man? He's working and will probably be home at some point but until then ...

I'm essentially ALONE!

Thursday, March 6, 2008

The Furniture Recap

I can't believe it's THURSDAY already. What the heck happen to Wednesday?

Ahhh yes, I worked a regular day and then turned a mattress, metal beam, wood slats, head board, foot board and various hardware into a new bed for the birthday girl.

The boxes, H-E-A-V-Y. The instructions excellent. The process exhausting. Two hours later kind of exhausting. Now I just have a dresser, cd rack and shelf unit to put together and I'll be done.


Thankfully there is much painting that needs to get done first. Oh and decorating. Then accessories and we are a long way from that.

Did I mention I'm holding a painting party? I AM with pizza and brownies.

Whose up for it? Anyone?


Wednesday, March 5, 2008

When IKEA Kicks Your Behind

Well I have lots to write about. But it is 10 PM and I'm beyond beat.

I will have something up tomorrow.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

To My First Baby ~

"Before you were concieved, I wanted you."
"Before you were born, I loved you."
"Before you were here an hour, I would die for you."
"This is the miracle of life."
~M. Hawkins~

To my darling daughter on her fourteenth birthday:

From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew my life would never be the same. You made me a role-model, you made me a caregiver, you made me a mother.

You taught me that sleep is over-rated. You spoiled me with your easy temperament and constant smile. I spent the first two years of your life watching your every move. Taking endless pictures and video of the milestones you achieved.

Your first day of school, you cried your eyes out. Wounded that I would leave you in a place where you were uncertain. It would be that way, each and every day until 1st grade that you would cry when I left you. I thought it would never end, your dependence on me but somewhere between 4th and 6th grade, something changed. You grew your own wings.

I have watched you closely over the years and as you approach your fourteenth year I can see a glimpse of the woman you will become. I am beyond proud of you and envy your budding talent in the many areas of your life.

Gone are the days of sharing every detail with me. I now hang on those windows of opportunity that come at the oddest moments when you want to pour your heart out and share with me what is going on in your life. I take all of them to heart and treasure them.

So today we spend the day shopping and sharing. Your chatter was endless as we drove to IKEA and you shared with me your thoughts on your friends and how you see yourself. Shopping was an interesting experience with you taking your time deciding what you really wanted for a bed. I enjoyed trying them all out with you and seeing all the different things that caught your attention.

When you asked for a large paper lantern to be your main lighting fixture I have to admit it was something I hadn't considered. (but I loved that it was only $5)

You let me take only one picture of you. And LOOK at how blurry it is.

See that spider man band-aid. You told me over and over today how "cool" spider man is. Now who is calling who goofy?

Here is your cake. I made it myself. Your favorite, white cake with white frosting and always, always, always the colored sprinkles. You may thing those colored sprinkles are a new thing but you have ALWAYS wanted colored sprinkles.
When I finished frosting the cake, I wanted to save the extra for you but knew if your brother came home from school before we got back, he'd eat it. So you and I decided to hide it in a place he'd never look. Your CLOTHES HAMPER.

If I had any doubt about what you thought of your birthday, I need only check the whiteboard and read this ~

I hope today was as special for you, as it was for me. I love you so much and I look forward to many more birthdays like this one.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Sick - Part Deux

Is it wrong to exaggerate your cold symptoms in order to evoke sympathy from members of your committee so they take pity on you, and adjourn.

Because I would NEVER do that ~blink blink~

I don't feel that horrible today. I do sound terrible, which I have to say has gotten me out of a few things today. Not that I was trying. Lalalalalala

At any rate, I am happy to be home and even happier that I have the day off tomorrow. Dudes, my girl is turning Fourteen tomorrow.

It scares the crap out of me.

We had a nice conversation yesterday as we came back from shopping. We were talking about friendships and how you have to be careful when you trust your friends because, sometimes (and I do mean sometimes) they are not who you think they are.

I did not use EBF as an example. Mainly because ... I didn't want to, it's too soon for her to know what really went down. I think she has some idea but really she has just the tip of a mammoth iceberg.


I've got plenty of stories to choose from, then to use that one. I choose the story of being set up on a blind date by a friend of mine. We had been friends for about a year. We were Juniors In High School. We had tons of fun together, chasing boys and doing foolish stuff. So when her then boyfriend had a friend for me, I figured win win.

The guy seemed nice. But he really wasn't my type. At that age I liked bad-boys. The kind that wore leather jackets and had long hair. They had their own vehicle (even if they did break down in the most secluded spots). We just didn't click. But we did hang out and while my friend and her boyfriend were making out in the car, we sat outside smoking butts. With him trying his hardest to score with me. (Stats: Him - ZERO, Me - 1,000)

The next day, my friend asked me what I thought of the guy. I was honest with her and said there wasn't any attraction on my part (clearly). She asked if he came onto me. I said yes (like any other guy at that age). Then she asked if he, you know, really came onto me. Which he did. Thankfully he did take no as an answer.

Then she tells me this.

Well he just got out of prison so he was probably horny (then she laughed).

Yeah. Totally True. Story. She was no longer my friend after that. She may of thought she was my friend but I just let her drift away.

So I shared this story with my girl. I censored the coming onto me part to something age appropriate. But she got the point. We then talked about her current friends and who she feels she can trust and who she is unsure of.

I think she's got a handle on it. I did tell her that she will make mistakes and that she will learn and continue to learn, even as she gets older who her real friends are.

She said "just like you Mom."

Yes honey, just like me.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

It's a Throat Thing

Ohhhhhhh, I don't have time to be sick! WTF!

I dreamt all night long that I couldn't breathe and my throat felt scratchy. I remember briefly using some nasal spray.

Then I woke up. Talk about reality. Oh well.

Boot Camp should be fun tomorrow eh?

Saturday, March 1, 2008

It's Never Too Far Below The Surface

The kids have been swimming for a couple years now. We used to go three days a week, then it was two days a week and now it's just on Saturdays. There are a number of reasons for the decline in participation but mostly it's due to other activities getting in the way and not because they like swimming any less.

Every once in a while I would see a neighbor of EBF's. We would just pass each other and make eye contact, not saying hello but seeing the recognition in each other's eyes as to who we were.

(As an aside, those who already know can skip this, EBF stands for Ex-Best Friend. After eighteen years of friendship we had a nasty falling out. On her end, she feels the matter has resolved itself and is ready for us to resume our friendship. On my end, so not. For years she shared personal and private details of my life to people who had no business knowing any of it. When I called her out, she downplayed it and swore up and down that it was about defending me and not about sharing stuff. I disagree and have done my best to cut off contact with her, despite her efforts to the contrary.)

I know more about this woman's life than she realizes. All due to EBF and her gift of gab. I know her husband tells her that he's working all these crazy hours but really he's out drinking with his guy friends. I know her daughter is in therapy and has not-so-subtle mental health issues. I know all about her girls friendship with EBF's girls and other neighborhood girls. I also know how annoyed EBF used to get that this woman would pop in to visit and then stay for hours.

If I had to guess ... and it isn't a stretch really ... this woman (I'll call her Jill), knows exactly what's gone down with EBF and I. She knows EBF's side that is. I'm sure EBF has leaned on her when she was in the well of sadness at the beginning of our falling out. I'm not clairvoyant but I can feel it in my bones that Jill knows the story.

SO, today I signed the kids up for the next session of swimming, I saw Jill's girls in the pool before I saw Jill. I looked over at the bleachers where the parents sit, and there was Jill. Allot of things went through my head as I made the quick walk over to the seating area, clutching the baby. The only open spot ... was next to her.

As I got close (within 5ft) I made eye contact with her. She said "hi". I said "how's it going". Then we sat in silence. Me painfully aware that anything I say or do, will essentially go back to EBF. It might not be today, it might take a week ... but I know, just as the sun will shine tomorrow, she will hear about it.

Sucks. I'd much rather she know nothing. But short of moving out of Town that is unrealistic (but I'd like it that way anyhow, is that wrong?)

So as I sat there, I made a decision. I could treat her as the enemy or I could move on. I think for the most part I have moved on and while I will, probably always, be faced with this small obstacles I need to overcome them.

I turned to her and asked what her girl's names were again. Explaining that I remembered the other neighbor's girls (not EBF's girls, I didn't mention them) names and said them but I couldn't remember hers. She told me and then comment on how tall my oldest girl is and how well she swims. She then spoke about her years swimming and how she hopes her girls will do the same.

See? Not so bad.

I got through it. I had hoped the baby would spend her time wanting to walk the area of the pool but today she clung to me. It was a welcomed distraction and at the end of class she simply said "see you next week" and went off with her girls.

If she only knew the dread I feel about that.