Monday, September 3, 2012

Another Week ...

Back to work tomorrow.  I'm sort of relieved.  Its weird here, right now, in the house.  My oldest has gone off to college (and she is doing just fine) and that alone is a big adjustment ...

Then there is everything else.  Me in my own room.  He is in his.  Both of us at complete opposite ends of the house.

Its bizarre.  And sucky.  Its bizucky here.  With no end in sight.

I didn't want this.  I never wanted this.  I can't fix it.  I can't change it.  I can't control what he does.  I can only control what I do.  How I act.  How I process what is going on.  I reached out in several ways, I offered options.

But it appears to me that he is just moving on.

I could take off my wedding rings, he said he didn't care if I did.  He took his off on Day One. I've been told by a few different people that by doing this, he is done.  Done trying.  Done caring.  Moving on.  I'm still wearing mine.  Even after all this torture, I continue to hold out hope.  Like an idiot.

How do you do that after twenty years?  How do you just walk away?

I know I'm never going to know that answer and it's going to be yet another week of this .... limbo

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