Friday, January 22, 2010

The Truth Doesn't Set You Free ...

...... because it still goes back to the lie and why it happened in the first place.

..... and you still feel like crap, even when the truth is out there.

This morning I was alone with the manager that I wrote about in my Tuesday post. My gut was telling me that I should come clean myself. Even though I knew my boss would do the deed when he arrived.

I had a good HOUR to do this. I mulled it over in my head. I thought about what I might say. Then I thought about how he would re-act.

Well, I utterly and completely chickened out. I cannot handle conflict. It will reduce me to tears every time. Nothing screams "freaking out" like me trying to keep it together while tears stream down my face.

Instead I took the cowards way out. I waited. My boss came in, matter of factly called this man into our shared office, came out with it, apologized for misleading him, explained how I am the bottom on the totem pole and how he and the other manager weren't told because it was felt they would get mad. (as if lying about it and the coming clean would be the lesser of the two evils)

He left the room and then walked out of the office. In my eyes, it went horribly. My boss told me I could leave and it would be fine. Not to worry.

I did leave. And I am not looking forward to Monday. When we will be alone first thing in the morning.

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