Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Twenty Things Not To Do When Applying For A Job

  1. Bring your wife, child, best friend, girlfriend with you. - Unless you need a translator, come alone.
  2. Spray on too much cologne. - It's not the lasting impression you want.
  3. Display prominent piercings. - We remember you by them and it isn't a good thing.
  4. Tell us how you have experience in operating equipment that has nothing to do with the job we have open.
  5. Explain that while you do not have your own car, you will be able to make it to work daily because you have a retired friend who will drive you. - Or that you will ride your bike.
  6. Wear bling and your baseball hat on backwards.
  7. Show six pages of references, certifications and resumes, then insist that I read them all. - I get that you are a stellar employee.
  8. Ask for at least four days notice before I administer your drug test because you just smoked a joint last night.
  9. Beg to work.
  10. Call daily to see if anything has changed since the day before.
  11. Be the only one to send a thank you card but not provide a number that is in service where we can reach you.
  12. Forget to bathe.
  13. Talk about your recent diagnosis of Parkinson's.
  14. Question the rate of pay because you feel you deserve more.
  15. Name drop employees who have the worst attendance records.
  16. Ask if we have any work "under the table."
  17. Insist on speaking to the Owner of the Company and then act surprised when you find out he is not the one who does the hiring.
  18. Mention how you have a bad back.
  19. Bodybuilding does not improve your chances at landing a job. - Unless its at a gym.
  20. Faxing your application and then emailing me about an interview, when the ad clearly says "apply in person". - Duh.

1 comment:

Sassy said...

But..But...why do I have to bathe?!