Sunday, February 22, 2009

How It All Works Out (Sorry Its Long)

It all started with a request to go to this. My daughter has been participating in this Anime club after school, all year, and they talk about it frequently. Now that it is getting closer, there is more discussion about it. From what I gather.

Now, my daughter's birthday is in March and my plan was to surprise here with tickets (for her and I) to go and to spend the night in the city. A girls weekend kinda of thing. But she really really wants to go, so she kept asking me if she was going and did I get tickets, etc. So I finally told her the week before Christmas that I had gotten us tickets and I left it at that. She was so excited and told me how she has no problem with me going. While I'm sure she would be fine, I love conventions and I don't mind doing my own thing while she does her. Plus it's the city. Fun.

One of the girls I went to Middle School with is now a travel agent in the city. I asked her if she could get me one night in a decent hotel, without my having to give up a leg and a couple of arms. True to her kind nature and connections, she is able to get me a double room, with the possibility to upgrade to a suite (I'll know how possible as it gets closer) for two nights. Which is really exciting for both my girl and for me. I had to tell her that by doing this, that's her gift from us this year. Her response YAY.

Now in the meantime my daughter has a core group of three girlfriends and two guy friends. Which is great. Two of the girlfriends parents are my friends, which I find is even better. I like everyone but those parents all have different parenting styles than I do. The mom I'm the closest with, is the most different. And it is her daughter J, that my daughter is closest to.

J has been asking/begging/demanding (I'm not really sure which, since any of the combinations will get her mom to give in and she always gives in) to get tickets to the convention and wants to know if they can stay in the city too. I had offered to have them stay with us and to split the room cost a while ago but J's mom has many things going on in her life and didn't have time to discuss it with me and that she wanted to "schedule" time for us to sit down and go over the details.

Go ahead laugh. I did. I couldn't meet her schedule so she called me one night and explained J was freaking out about the whole convention and how she wanted to go and they didn't have a plan yet, etc. So I went over what my plan was and she said that they woudl like to go too and they would pay half. Excellent. Progress.

One day later I was sitting in a waiting room, when I got a text from her asking if S. (one of the other three girls) is staying with us too? And how that wasn't the plan we discussed so she told J that S wasn't staying with us. Ummm okay. So I asked her if it was a problem? S. is poor. S. lives with her uncle and grandfather. S. is a sweet sweet girl. Truth be known, I'd of worked out something for her to get a ticket and go. After my saying is isn't a big deal, M. replied back that if it was okay with me, it was okay with her. Problem solved.

THEN I get a text about C. J. is telling her mom that I have said it was okay for C. to be in the room also. I'm getting aggrevated now because before she was involved, there were no issues. It was going to be fun. For me and for my girl. So C. is a boy. He's a nice boy, gpa 4.0 boy, polite boy but a needy boy. I have known him and his family for many years. In my mind, 1 boy + 5 girls = No WAY. M texts to me that J told her that my daughter said I had agreed C could stay in the room with us. I'm pretty sure I didn't agree to that. So I tell M, in text and I ask her not to tell J. that I said that, I will talk to my OWN daughter myself about C. THEN I ask if we can quit with all this drama already, because this is suppose to be a "fun" thing. Not filled with issues and panic every five seconds. This was over a week ago now.

In the meantime, I had a chat with my girl about C. And she wasn't happy about him not going. I explained to her that we are all sharing a small room (maybe not, but that's beside the point) and I don't want a boy there and neither does J's mom. She was disappointed and wasn't sure what to tell C. They had already told him he could stay. I offered to tell him but she said no, she'd figure something out. I said, C. has plenty of time to figure out something else, it will be fine. Nothing more was said.

UNTIL, Yesterday. Yesterday, and just about every Saturday, I shop with J's mom, M. We go to Market Basket and it works out well. I drive, she gets me caffeine and coupons if I need them and we chat.

Dudes? Yesterday was the worst trip ever. M did nothing but complaint about how frustrated she is with J and her attitude. Apparently J is talking about all the things she will be doing during the Anime Convention and it includes leaving it and having pizza at Pizzeria Reginia's with the High School Group that is going. And that several of the Seniors will have a hotel room, which they invited anyone who needs a place to stay to go there (so see C will be fine :-). Well M, went ballistic on her daughter and said she will not be wondering around and blah, blah, blahdee, blahda. Then J said it was all M's fault that C. couldn't stay in the room with us.

(Frankly I do not understand why M would even engage J in any talk about it because clearly J is playing on M's anxieties, fears, concerns, etc.)

Then M. tells me how after arguing with J about it, she then sent J the text messages between ME and M. So, I pulled over and kicked her out of the jeep. Alright, I didn't. But I wanted to. Instead, I took the adult route and asked her NOT TO DO THAT AGAIN. Ummm hello? I am not ammunition in the war between M and J. NOT! M. apologized but not before she told me six ways to Sunday that she was trying to make a point with J. The point being that C. would not be staying with us.

I live in the world where parents arguing with their teenage daughters don't have to justify what they are saying with the proof of another parents TEXT MESSAGE. Not. Cool.

J is M's youngest child. M cannot give her girl any space at all. She is constantly monitoring her. My girl is the oldest and I'm ready to give her space. (Like Pizzaria Regina's sounds like fun to me). I believe that the only way for my girl to gain life experience, is to experience life and it can't always be with me hovering in the back ground.

All I know, is that right now, I wish it were just the two of us. Because I am sure the drama is not over yet. This ...


jenny said...

Oh. Shit.

U R Txting?

W/O me?


Hah! Kidding. It would take me about twenty five minutes just to type those three lines. That's if my phone was even charged.

P.S. I hope M. doesn't snore. :)

Amy said...

Ugh. Drama was NOT in the plan at all. And a fun weekend was. But I suspect that your dear daughter is really not all that worked up over any of this and so has THUS been spared the drama, which is important, right?

So, let your J go and have a fantastic time and let that J and M and whomever other letter needs drama in their life to go and created it. C will be just fine. You will be just fine.

Me? I'll be missing out on the whole thing.

Sassy said...

Oh man. That does suck. Can I go? Can I stay in your room? If not, I will totally get mad and start texting you!