Sometimes I Don't Even Recognize Myself

I'm in a horrible mood. It seems like I could knock small children over or kick dogs while roaring at everything in my path

I am not being over dramatic. I really can roar.

It's to be expected with the schedule I keep. A schedule that is wearing on me as my 40th birthday approaches (umm in 2009 people, not that close, sheesh). Let's start with Monday, shall we?

Monday it became clear I'm a week overdue (and a week to go) for a haircut. The result if my bangs looking ... unruly. I hate unruly. Unruly ruins my day if I let it. I'm this ... close to cutting it myself, THAT's how annoying it is. Moving on, I made it through the crazy day at work (which is several blog posts in itself, IF I were writing about work, which I am not, so don't even ask) only to remember on the way to pick up the baby that I needed to get my oldest daughter and her friend too. Done and done. Then I go home and find my cute little baby has been replaced by an evil monster.

Quit laughing.

I seem to have blanked out in my head just how bad two can be. The falling on the floor, sobbing like there will never be another lollipop again, over and over and over and over. There was no dinner made, it was all I could do just to deal with it. The boy had piano, my man was MIA and it was parent teacher conferences at the High School. Could I squeeze anything else in there?

Why yes I can. I had to also work Monday Night. So for parent teacher conferences I had a whopping hour to try and see four teachers. No appointments, you. wait. in. line.

I waited in line three times. And all three times I heard raving reports about my oldest. She is quiet. She pays attention. She is kind. She answers correctly. She sometimes misses an assignment but overall. It was verry verry good.

However, as a side note here, I will continue to worry obsessively about her and the endless possibilities for a boy to enter her life, that she befriends someone in the "wrong" crowd or that she somehow confuses black with being full fledge goth. WHAT? It is my child. I am allowed.

The kicker in all of this is the one teacher I didn't meet? I emailed. She wrote me back today and got into how my daughter, could do better, could try harder and needs to quit turning in just about every assignment late. THAT's what I get for skipping the English Teacher's line (which was very long every time I went by).

Continuing on.

I went to my night job. One that I have always loved but these days, I hate it completely and utterly. I am tired of working at night and if it weren't for all those pesky bills, I would quit. But sadly I cannot quit at this time. SO I had to deal with members who behave like they are TWELVE (yes they are men, I am surrounded by men, all my jobs involved 99.9% men). Making comments that are known to get under my skin. Snickering. Then when I don't take the bait, outright making comments so I can hear them with my name attached.

I couldn't get out of there quick enough. I went home to a hungry family. Nothing says love like Mandatory Mac - N - Cheese at 10 PM. And yes I made everyone eat and behave like it was 6 pm and a normal dinner. Sometimes it's all about me, people.

Tuesday, more of the same. Lots of work. Lots of stuff going on at work (Again, I am not at liberty to discuss them, sorry). I came home and decided, I must jog. Having not worked out since the previous Friday. I thought what an excellent idea. A jog around the block.

I have no brain sometimes.

There is a distinct difference between track running and sidewalk running. Track has cushion and consistency. Sidewalks do not. I do two miles and then come home and die. I can feel my toenails peeling already.

I manage to recover, cook dinner and work around the five or six tantrums the baby is throwing in my path. Then it's off to my second job. Where the Board I do work for is reprimanding on of their consultants for not properly representing them and ... well... slacking. Now could this guy just say, "Yes", "I was wrong", "I will try harder." "Let me make this right." He instead said things like "If the Board had told me earlier." "We agreed to this process." "I feel I have done nothing wrong." Making what should have been a one hour meeting, a THREE hour meeting with no less than fourteen pages of notes for me to transcribe.

~jabs fork in eyes~

I come home at 11 PM to a silent house. I missed all the evening activies and have only the dog staring at me. Wanting to go out.

Enter Wednesday. Yet another relentless 8 hour day. Ending with picking the baby up and taking her over to the Library while we wait for her brother to participate in a Chess program (Hey, Chess is TOO cool). The baby? Loves books and took as many as she could off the shelves, in between leaving a trail of toys and puzzle pieces. I'm still recovering.

I get through the whole dinner and bedtime routine, and then head to my Controversial Committee Meeting. Because what better way to spend your Wednesday THAN being tortured some more. Makes for a good fun week.

Arriving earlier than I usually do, I had hoped to sit as far away from the Chairman as I could. Did it work? Hello no. Sits right next to me. I brought my hand 200+ page report that I have had zero change to read with me and sat and read the entire thing. To my surprise (and amusement because life is funny that way) the Chairman was in the spotlight. There was some lack of information on a key meeting that he attended and none of us knew about it (oh the HORROR). He explained it all away and there was WAY to many "don't take it personally's" for me but whatever.

I will admit by the time we got to almost the end of the meeting. I was tired. Perhaps I was a tad fed up (Noooooooooo not me). So when I made a suggestion of an idea that funding that we didn't need for one area be transferred to enhance another, I put my hand in the Chairman's face.

Oh yes. Me. My hand.

As soon as I put my idea out there I immediately turned to him and said this (word for word people)

"I do not EVEN want to hear any sort of argument come out of your mouth about that statement because you know what I am saying is TRUE."

He got all offended and actually defended the STATE. To which, I was right back in his face saying that he and I both know that what he is saying should happen AIN'T HAPPENING. (I will admit I used the bad English on purpose here)

Then it passed. He moved on.

He apologized at the end of the meeting for loosing his cool. I could have cared less. My stand? Was to get under his skin and his skin only.

And it worked.