Wednesday, July 23, 2008

My Devious Plan

Try not to laugh as you read this. I dare you.

About four weeks ago, I was at the hairdresser's with the kids and I happened to meet on of our Town's men in blue. You know the ones that carry guns and flash that badge? Let's call them something. Not pigs, cuz that's too obvious (and already my pet name for them, I will apologize in advance for anyone I might offend with that). How about Marshmallow's?? Come one, squishy goodness .... Let's go with that.

So I'm at the hairdresser and one of the stylists (who I really like) has just recently married, a Marshmallow that works in Town. Alarm bells are going off in my head because I've had a change of heart these days about Marshmallow's.

Let me explain. Over the years there have been incidents that still cling to me like they were yesterday. There was the first time I ever was pulled over (at the tender age of 18) and yelled at for speeding. Then there was the time I tried to pass a slow car that was going straight, from the left hand turn lane. That time I was yelled at and given a written warning. THEN on my 23rd birthday, I was pulled over for speeding, in my new Plymouth Laser 5-speed, yelled at and given a ticket. (On my BIRTHDAY people, that is just wrong on so many levels) Which resulted in me sobbing uncontrollably and declaring I would never drive again. (as a side note, I fought that one and was completely honest when I said to the court guy that if I were ever in trouble the LAST place I would turn is to a Marshmallow, they threw it out) THEN, when I had my babies, I was pulled over on the highway, I wasn't even speeding but got yelled at ANYWAY and then as it turns out, my license plate needed a new sticker and I didn't have one. So there was threatening of towing and such. But finally I was allowed to leave.

The last couple were in the past three years, in the Town I live in. Driving down a rural road speeding (because I HAD TO GO #2, it WAS URGENT). I got yelled at. I explained. And the Marshmallow told me, that he'd just write the ticket up QUICKER. I paid that one because I just didn't want to have to explain, yet again, how I don't trust Marshmallow's but really I should have talked to the Chief Marshmallow because he and I talk about his department's budget).

Then there was the most recent incident where I ignored the sign and parked "between here and the corner" and I shouldn't have. Got lectured and yelled at for that. While I was holding the baby for Pete's sake.

I just feel that those local Marshmallow's should know me. I work for the Town and maybe if they did know who I was, MAYBE, just maybe they'd be a) nicer and b) LET ME GET AWAY WITH IT.

So with all that in mind, about a month ago, at the hairdresser's I happen to meet one. And I told him all about my anxiety and how I'd like to get over by meeting each officer and hopefully if there ever is an issue (and when the Marshmallow's raise their eyebrows at that, I go lalalalalala) it won't go as bad as the last few incidents have gone.

That brings us to tonight. Where I met the first Marshmallow's friend. Again at the same hairdresser and I teased him about getting to know my face and told him all about my anxiety and my new plan, which is to get to know all the fine Marshmallow's in Town so if I do anything foolish, maybe I at least won't get yelled at.

Or a ticket. HA.


jenny said...

Or (and this is just a suggestion here) you might want to try not breaking so many motor vehicle laws.

Because frankly, and no offense or anything but I'm, uh, not seeing any reason they SHOULDN'T yell and give you a ticket.

And see, this is exactly why I LIKE the police...they're keeping me safe from a road menace like you. ;)

Sassy said...

How about a marshmallow roast instead? hehe

Mig said...

Oh THATS right,

Like you are a law-abiding citizen, Jenn!