Because the anxiety I already have isn't enough. I got another helping.
First I will disclose here, that I am about to break my cardinal rule and talk about work. I have to. And if my boss, is reading (yet again) here is why you might have seen me upset but trying not to be upset before you left today.
I got yelled at. By a guy (obviously because I only work with men) who I have to work with everyday. Ok I have to work with several guys everyday. This one in particular, I work with closely. What we do overlaps. He's older (read: close to retirement), he can be cranky and he had a rough weekend. Our payroll is a sore spot and some of it was messed up.
What can I say. I MAKE MISTAKES!
Can I just repeat that for everyone, reading?
YES I DO MAKE MISTAKES!
In the job I work in, and my career, I have to juggle working with many people. I do my best to appease everyone and often when one person says do it this way. HELLO I DO. And maybe the guy I work with wasn't included in the discussion, but it happen to tie to something else we were working on.
So when he pointed out that someone's hourly rate was WRONG and I argued it with him. Respectfully (or so I thought) and by pointing out why I had done what I did. Which was because the guy who runs the main plant told me too.
The response I got was FUCK THE GUY WHO TOLD ME. Maybe that seems like nothing to you reading it but let me tell you this ...
IT WENT RIGHT FUCKING THROUGH ME. Its like I felt it. I felt him yell. And I didn't like it one bit. I didn't handle it well. I went into my office and tried like all get out, not to cry.
Willing myself ... NOT TO CRY!
The yeller, felt bad. I know he did. He apologized as I was walking back to my office. I couldn't look at him. He came into my office an apologized again, I couldn't look him in the face. I wanted to leave work. I wanted to DIE of complete mortification.
I am not a man. I am not someone who can shake hands and it's fine. It's not fine. I am sensitive. My feelings are hurt and you know what?
I just about had a full blow panic attack, as I walked my dog and relived the whole thing. You know, because once I left work I had to DEAL WITH MY LIFE AND SHIT.
I'm at a loss as to what to do tomorrow. Play it cool? Tell my boss (read: his boss). Let it go? (not bloodly likely).
Why can't I be snide? Why can't I be quippy and in one sentence put him in his place and move on? Head held high.
Why am I always the puddle of tears?
2 comments:
I think God gave women soft hearts and feelings that are more easily broken so that men learn to watch their tongues. You cannot undo the spoken word and the tongue can be so sharp. It is not a bad thing that you had to walk away or fight off tears, Mig. It was wrong the way the guy handled it. If he had more rationally explained his perspective, it wouldn't have brought you near tears. He needed to learn that it was an inappropriate way to speak to ANYONE not just to a woman.
Tomorrow? Well, I'd love to say, approach him first and tell him that you can understand his perspective on the mix up, but that perhaps he could have conveyed that message in a less emotional way.
I say that, but I'd be too chicken.
Cause I'm a softie.
I'll be praying for you, you know that.
Well, that's crap the way he treated you. You were doing as you were told. He's the one that needs a freakin xanax..maybe he'd calm the hell down, and why he's at it he could also use anger management AND a course on how to treat women. Don't take anymore crap off of him. Please YOURSELF for once.
Want me to beat him up? Cuz I will you know!
BTW...I hate dealing with life and shit too!
*big hug*
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