Monday, January 14, 2008

An Alarming Experience

We went out as a family yesterday afternoon. Seizing the moment when the baby first woke up to head out to a local restaraunt (Not Panera Bread, sorry Amy).

The baby handled the car seat for the duration of the ride and, to say the least, she was very excited when we walked toward the restaraunt. However, she didn't handle the twenty minute wait for a table, all that well.

A one-year old is not used to waiting. And neither are we. So we sat. And sat. And (did I mention?) sat. And stared at the buzzer.

I will admit that when the party of four that came in after us, went in to be seated before us. I got up to inquire. "Your table is being prepared" was said to me with a smile. Yeah. I hope so.

Finally it was our turn. The baby did her usual cute act, the kids did some drawing. We had salad and breadsticks. (Yes, the baby does eat garlic breadsticks and black olives, how did you know?) While we waited for the main course, my man leaned in toward me ...

"Let's play pig dice."

"Excuse me?" Did I miss something entirely? "What is pig dice?"

The kids burst into giggles. He meant this game. I carry it in my purse to entertain the kids wherever. It's new name? Is pig dice. Who knew? I took it out and let me tell you ... I don't know what was cuter, the kids getting excited over these little pigs or the baby oinking and clapping everytime we rolled.

It was all good. After dinner we hit the mall. My man had one errand to run and we had 1/2 hour before it closed. The kids, decided to stay in the car. Which I put the alarm on as we took the baby with us in the stroller. (more on that in a minute).

First order of business? Hitting the bathroom. Because when you have only one 1/2 hour to get what you need, peeing is all important. (Can you tell it wasn't me that had to go?)

As my man walks into the men's room, I happen to catch the eye of this guy. I'd say he was may age. He smiled at me like he was going to say something, so I smiled back. Now, work with me here, I actually thought, for a split second, that maybe I knew him, so I looked at him again and smiled and said hi.

Big mistake.

Now that he's looking right at me, I don't recognize him AT ALL, and he smiles back hugely. Here I am, with the baby in her stroller, sitting somewhat outside the men's room, in front of the mall map and he thinks this is a good place to pick me up???? Oh boy, suddenly that mall map? Was the most interesting thing I have EVER seen. I make no further eye contact. I may of even cringed a little.

But I do have periphial vision. I see him linger. He heads over to the mall map too. I don't look. I look in the complete opposite direction. Use my super-vulan-mind-bend to get my man to HURRYUP.

SHIT. What was I thinking???? The best I can come up with, in the enternity it seemed like, was to search through the baby's diaper bag for some important item, I come up empty. I mean how long does it really take a guy to pee anyway? Come on HONEY.

Thankfully, my man, returns ... and we ... are off. WHEW. I don't even look back. (while this is flattering, it's not.)

We run our errand. Which is a post in itself. But if you read the title, I'm going to plead ignorance as to where we went and what we bought.

Then it's out into the parking lot. The first thing I see (after I find the jeep in the dark) is my daughter, standing outside the jeep.

Then I see mall security sitting behind my jeep. Then I see my girl, has been crying. She is MORTIFIED.

My man and I chuckle. I disarm the jeep, I wave to mall security and we all get in.

My son? The guilty party? Decided, after we went into the mall, to open the jeep doors.

Oh YES. Sounding the alarm. My daughter? Got out to speak with mall security and when the alarm stopped, she didn't want to get back in and set it off again. She stood outside in the cold, with a thin little sweatshirt, while my son sat in the jeep. She did the responsible thing, she did talk to mall security and explain the situation. While the guy laughed at her situation.

They let her use the cell phone to call us. But reception wasn't good in the mall. She cried a bit on the way home. She insisted her brother OWES HER BIG TIME. Poor kid.

I checked my phone when I got home, her call to us ... was no less than five minutes after we walked into the mall.

Kids. They won't be using the line "I'll wait in the car" anymore.


Amy said...

OH MY GOSH I am laughing so hard!! Oh my!! Poor girl, she was scared to death when that alarm went off, I'm sure. But that's so funny. Now she can be mad at her brother and you can see what she comes up with to get even.

Oh too funny!

And guy hitting on you? Cree-pyy. I mean, you're outside the men's room with a ONE YEAR OLD. yeah, dude. I'm here alone, looking for a cute man like yourself to pick me up. Yowza. I think I would have kept saying "Oh, I know, sweetie (to the baby) Daddy is taking forever, but you know, it takes big, fierce men a LONG time to pee!!"

Holly said...

Hey, that means you're still a hot momma!!! And the alarm...OUCH! I'll bet she was mortified! I agree, little brother DOES owe her!